| 007: Sunday, November 6, 2011: 10AM PST |
[Sat 5 Nov / 11:44pm] |
Fucking bastard.
I don't know what's worse.. being attacked or being punished for being attacked.
As soon as I got to the hospital, I told these idiot people that I was not raped. They still insisted on getting a rape kit. It took hours. Literally.
I refused to let them do a pelvic exam. They seemed annoyed, but I don't care. My pants never came off. I'm not letting them poke around inside of me for their own personal pleasure.
This is stupid. Why do they keep people for observation? What exactly are they observing? How pissed off I can get before they let me go home?
I hate the hospital.. and I don't have the money to pay for this shit.
Fucking bastard that attacked me. Fucking bastard doctors that won't let me go home.
I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed. Is that too much to ask?
Dear Jackass,
I wasn't just playing hard to get.
No Love,
Me
|
|
| 006: Tuesday, August 2, 2011: 7PM PST |
[Tue 2 Aug / 11:29am] |
So... funny story.
I have a boyfriend.
You're laughing, right?
Stop that.
Right now, I'm thinking that boyfriends are nice.
Of course, my opinion might be biased.
He made me dinner.
|
|
| 005: Tuesday, May 10, 2011: 3AM PST |
[Tue 10 May / 12:09pm] |
An Ode To Oral Sex
Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, yuck!y stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what's your revenge, your on the rag.
Paul Turner. James is a Turner. That means that he is incredibly attractive and good in bed. I just gave his penis a lot of attention. Just thought you should know. Thank you.
In other news, I'm starving. I think cold pizza will do the trick.
|
|
| 004: Monday, February 21, 2011: 11AM PST |
[Mon 21 Feb / 11:52am] |
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
Good advice.
If you want to grope the hot bartender's ass, you'd better try talking to her first.
Of course, if that hot bartender is me, you're going to get punched no matter how much conversation comes before you putting your hand on my ass. Unless you're equally hot and moderately interesting.
Just sayin'.
|
|
| 003: Sunday, January 16, 2010: 12PM PST |
[Sun 16 Jan / 11:57am] |
I've decided that I'm a whore.
Now, I know some of you are going to try to deny it, but let me explain.
I work. I work hard. I don't enjoy work. (Who does, really?) I work because I have bills to pay.
So... Bill forces me to go to work even when I don't want to. Then, after I've worked my ass off, Bill takes most of my money. Bill is a mean-ass pimp, and I am his whore.
Back to your regularly scheduled programing.
|
|
| 002: Tuesday, January 11, 2011: 3PM PST |
[Tue 11 Jan / 6:20pm] |
I'd forgotten how nice the occasional kiss could be. It's good to be reminded.
In other news, guess what very lucky girl has the night off? If you guessed Kris Forrester, you guessed right. As I work in a bar, that's easily the last place I want to be. To be honest, though, I don't really want to be at home, either.
Suggestions? How should Kris spend her night off?
|
|
| 001: Thursday, December 23, 2010: 5PM PST |
[Thu 23 Dec / 1:45pm] |
Duck walks into a bar. Says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy some peanuts." Bartender says, "Sorry, don't sell peanuts." The duck leaves.
Next day, duck walks into the bar, "I want to buy some peanuts." Bartender replies, "I already told you I don't sell peanuts!" The duck leaves.
Next day, the duck walks into the bar, "I want to buy some peanuts!" Bartender yells back, "I told you, I don't sell peanuts! If you ask one more time, I'll nail you to the wall!" The duck leaves.
Next day, the duck walks into the bar, "Do you have any nails?" Bartender says, "Sorry, don't have nails." Duck asks, "Do you have any peanuts?"
Next day, the duck walks into the bar. Says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy some peanuts." Bartender says, "Sorry, don't sell peanuts." The duck leaves.
Next day, duck walks into the bar, "I want to buy some peanuts." Bartender replies, "I already told you I don't sell peanuts!" The duck leaves.
Next day, the duck walks into the bar, "I want to buy some peanuts!" Bartender yells back, "I told you, I don't sell peanuts! If you ask one more time, I'll nail you to the wall!" So the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck walks into the bar, "Do you have any nails?" Bartender says, "Sorry, don't have nails." Duck asks, "Do you have any peanuts?"
This. Is. My. Life.
I love my job, but I hate the customers. If I wasn't sure I would get fired, I'd punch every guy that plops down at my bar and asks me a dumb ass question.
Love you, Abby. I promise not to punch the patrons.
|
|